Finally i did go to the gym, it makes me feel good. Everythings fine till now.

It is Haloween and Diwali together.

The gym factor is going on fine, only I wish i could make it happen everyday. the sinful chocolate cake and the bad taste is finally dissolved.

I hate mondays and it is back to work and school again.

GRRRR

Crap..........my laptop got hacked it seems. Really have no idea what they get out of my laptop. It scared me.......... and downloading a better anti virus.

Spoiled my entire mood...........and plans of going to the gym.

oh, also to mention it was sinful having that cheesy chocolate cake and truly I didnt like it much. what a waste.

The last two days have been fun..................finally am going out a lot and they come back heavy on my purse!

Yesterday, after work went out with Win, to old navy.......i didnt get what i liked, so walked to ross, and yes.................shopped. wasnt in plan but got a few sweat pants and tracks, that is what am wearing these days and sweat shirt and my favorite a white soft bath robe. I left mine while coming here from India and could not wait to get it here finally.

Also got two bowls and plate and a small cake plate. Man, it made me all happy!!!

The best part, went to eat in Japanese restaurant, it was too good. I liked sushi and the entire box dinner that i took. Might want to go back to that place again. Yum Yum!

I love weekends , woke up late and went out again, this time to Krispy cremes because my friend wanted to ..........so, chocolate doughnuts......... and then to walmart to do my grocery for the month. These days it seems easier to do the grocery in the bulk because it saves me time. Also the fact my cars still not here, I cant walk any more............makes me sick going to do the grocery all the time and walking home alone feeling so stupid. So, changed it and doing it all in a bulk now.

So, it is all done and my over fed refrigerator kind of makes me happy. It is sinful..........but who cares?

Oh, I have to say I like the haloween decoration and every time I go out , I forget to take my camera along. But I promise, I am going to get some and will post it here. For now........am all happy.............but hate to getb back to the projects.

So, study time..............cya

Happy hour

No matter how much I tried the pics would not get uploaded to this site. It is crazy............well these days things have been going wild.

I feel completely burnt out and tired. No matter how much I sleep, I am still sleepy. So, these days instead of doing my projects, am sleeping...........funny.

The newsletter kept me awake till 3 am yesterday...........its fun doing it but then at times makes me crazy. Here I am back to work and for almost 8 hours.

Oh, have to mention that my websites doing great, getting some amazing people to do for my international face and its going on fine. Am really excited about it. I never thought it would pick up so well.

The bad news, its kind of lonely these days, no matter how many friends I have, there is suddenly this void, which seems to get deeper with days and difficult to fulfill.

Yesterday was good, had a hearty lunch in Gopuram with Win. Ate happily...........having not to think about wahing dishes once the meal was done. That's a big relief! also went fr the free movie night. watched- in her shoes and i liked it.

how good you are!

worked all day and had my class till 8.40 pm and now back home.
dinners ready......rice, omlette and aloo curry. oh, also a can of coconut water......which i found in the oriental store the other day.
once home with a teriible head ache.....decided to cook up fast , wash deishes and then along warm shower and am fresh as the morning dew.
have to tell about latest following, I listen to Dalila...........every day. its is in one of the Fm channels here, and she hosts the show. people call up she talks and then play them songds. the good part is listening to her. one inspiring lady.........people usually call about problems and she talks with them. i have got into the habit of listening to it these days.......almost every night. it is calming.......
they talked about a song tonight.............by Kelly Clarkson....called a moment of life. and this caller said how while driving back to home one day, she heard this song on the radio and thought about what was the moment in her life that other people wait for a life time. back home, while she set plates for dinner and saw her three sons doing their stuufs, she realised she had her moment when she had the new born in her hands.
true , i realised, how many times we whine thinking that i am not tht lucky, we never had the moment. but the greatest moments perhaps come from the everyday life something which we never realise how special it is.
tonight , i did not whine.........i realised i had everything i had wanted for , thought of in my secretest of dreams. it might be tough sometimes, but the great things dont come easy, do they?
so, when life is tough....it is because of the right direction that we have taken.instead of taking everyone for granted........realise the worth and make your life worthwhile. make yourslef happy. sometimes traeting yourself in the worst of moments in not a luxury but a compulsion. believing that u exist for yourself not always not for others to judge you of what you are.........indulge in a chocolate or a film. may be buy a dress or just a cream.it is not the money you spend but the worth and importance you give to your self. in the long run it not only makes you happy but helps you in the long run with the self esteem worth of a million!!!!!!
Enjoy and before you go to bed today.....look at yourslef in the mirror and realise how special you are.it can be only you!

oopsss

the attitude is one thing that can perhaps never change. i now think, it is something that is inherent in every person and something that parents and mentors should know about every child. thts is the secret of the childs future.
funny , but still so many indians come here with the same outdates mentality. they dnt want to learn, they do not want to grow.......they still want to get married ...of course this time with a NRI.
a shame and perhaps the reason whey they can never be independent or ever grow. they come to get the better groom or a larger sum of the dowry. for guys the dowry rates shoot higher if education in USA peeks out of their portfolios. such a shame.......
the thoughts remian the same , they still bitch about other affairs and boy friends and who marries whom..........never thinking back of improving their own skills and intellectual power. they love boasting about their dads and uncles who are a hot shot back how and how well politically they are connected. who are they?.............they are all about their some well connected stinking rich parents. thats what they are........they never grow. today they have parents to boast of, tomorrow NRI husbands...contented lot they are.
my weekend mostly end up spending time with myself, which is a sin the rest of the week. so, i sleep and eat and relax and study.watched movies, salam namaste and page 3.........all on the internet....woke up late and did some beauty traetments.............hehhe..........henna after a long long time. once done it stinked so badly that thought of cancelling my gym idea. but never mind who cares...........dried my hair and sprayed my deo on my hair...........gosh.........and headed towards gym.
back now and hungry......its oriental night.......coz it takes minimum effort. rice and salmon and vegies. just poured in half apacket of mixed vegetable into the pan of onion and capsicum and added salmon.salt and pepper and soya sauce and its done.
before my head for a wash....waiting for the rice to finish.five minutes and its done. so........a bath and dinner and then of course my studies. hmmmmmmmmmm
enjoy!!!!!

miss u

It is a lonely weekend. Sometimes i do feel hanging out with some close friends but funny part, dnt have one! When I need to sit and talk or may be share something..........its absolute blankness.

It is something i miss of my friends back home. I wish there were here. Funny part, after walking in the parking lot for a while i came back home. These days as i enjoy the tv shows all are about friends. Whether i watch FRIENDS on weekends or sex and the city weekdays, its great to see friends bond and have a good time together.

Weired to see how writing is being into fashion. the narrative style is getting people. Whether it is sex and the city or bridget jones. so, when i have nothing to do, i m back home and rattling in my computer.

what do i want.......... a good friend. a real good friend. which i do not have here. of course a apartment decorated the way i want and something creative to do.

watching another film while i miss having a friend here. at times it gets too fake here....to superficial and stupid. nothing to get me back on track........

MSA

Meet my multicultural students association......

sleepy

i am exhausted, not that i have studied too much.......but very tired. have another mid term exam, of media management on thrusday, while i try to do my best....dont think i can. i am sleepy and want to sleep.

thats what i did for the last two days..but i still want to sleep. hopefully will manage to finish up on my reading before the exam, need to study but i think will sleep.

when i grow up

I was always intrigued by the fact of what I want to be when I grow up. It was thinking of how life would shape up. Growing around parent's who were scientists, gave the other person to conclude that is perhaps what i would undertake to. Of course I never did it.

I remember wanting to be a teacher, exactly the way I saw my teachers in the kindergarden days. i wanted the power over so many children and an unruly facsination of writing in the huge blackboard. It was something I saw as a privelege. In the evenings, i would sometimes go around the garden talking to the plants taking them as my students.

Years later, i just liked to dream, of various stuffs. I started writing and thought of becoming a poet. I would sit and dream and write poems. few publications later , I was confidant of becoming one. I loved it , but another passion took over it. May be i could be a dancer. Years of training in classical dance convinced me it was what i wanted to do. Creativity at its best.

They always remained close to me , of what i want to be when i grow up. soon, I just wanted to be nothing, just wait and see what i can be worth of. Things remained like this for a while till i realised i was meant to teach. i did it perfectly with my juniors , sometimes even my classmates. i knew I had found my calling. That is what i have waited for and i loved it.

After a few years of determination of wanting to teach , i realised i wanted more creativity and perhaps getting into teaching will not give me that or it would.......but i wanted to try something else too. I changed my field, from a student of english literature, something which i was good at and enjoyed very bit of it, I left it all to go to work in a call centre. shock......shooked everyone. Ph.d is what i was supposed to do or may be teach, why a call center where one would have to change the rutine of normailty. working by night and sleeping by day. it was achallenge too. i hated my public life, wasnt much of aspeaker and loved staying with my books to a job which was nothing but talking all the night long. It drove me crazy , but i learnt and soon realised i was good at it. Just that i have never tried to speak much.

A year later i was bored, i didnt like the monotony of the job any more and i had learnt it . I needed change. so, I moved on.............this time instead of going back to english, i decided to study mass communication. I knew English literature, so can come back to it whever i wanted to. But mass communication? i had no idea.............so i had to try it.

Here i am doing my masters again in mass communication in Oklahoma. challenging but i have adapted to it and enjoying it too. My dreams all that i wanted to be when i grow up, still remains with me. i still love to write, love reading novels, love to teach and though i do not get much time, i love to dance to make me happy.

I still havent decided what i want to do. Have kept them all alive and though of a lot many more. A journalist or work in an ad agency or do my ph.d or my latest inclination ........to be a photographer. i havent tried it , apart from clicking pics of friends and family, but I want to learn it and do something creative with it.

A long way to go, but monotony is just not my life.........i love new things, i love surprises, i love the thrill of doing something new. No wonder i change the setting of my rooms every month, i dont like seeing the same things over and over again.

It is funny, i am 26 and grown up.........so its a joke......when i ask myself what do i want to be when i grow up?

solitude

It makes me mad. I cannot belive this. After writing down all my thoughts which i know will never come back, it all got deleted, have no clue how. I hate it.


Disgusting and perhaps more than it. Thoughts are perhas one of the things that do not and cannot be poduced in the exact same manner over and over again.

Its fall break and while i get time to be myself, hid away from the class and the projects, am enjoying my own time. While i always think, where to write down my thoughts , in my diary that i have maintained for years now or here, it is a technical disadvatange writing here. Like had my entire 40 minutes of writing all deleted in one stroke

Still mad at it getting lost. but then i enjoyed the weather today. Always love the lonely walks amidst the nature. It is calming and thoughtful enough. yest, in the fight to write it dwon or not, most of them get lost. Lost forever.

It is tiring to see the alphabets pop up in black and whites always. It is rather a dictated life of what i have to think. I love it doing my way. and am glad, i got the chance to pick up some great books from the libraray, something i am familiar with. something that gives me the freedom to read or not read.

The walks are good enough to inject thoughts that are worth keeping, yet they disappear mostly. The idea of keeping them seems not so in affirmation, they just happen to vanish from nowhere.

It is the sky and the nature, the loneliness and the monotony of steps falling one by one that weaves the unconsciuos thoughts, something i can truly claim to. No wonder writers and poets lived in places of natural beauty and changed places once they thought the well of inspiration has dried out.

As i stretch here in the bed with my laptop, inclined on my double pillow, have my books in the bed side table beside me............it is nothing but bliss. the half lighted room, the slow burning of the vanilla candle, the bakground of the televison running in the living room entwines with the music in my laptop, creates its own symphony.

It is freedom.........to think, to create and visualize and then have it all lost in a wink. It just wont go away, the power and satisfaction of writing dwon the thoughts. who is more blessed................wordsworth or j.k. rowling? or just the next door Jane, who writes in her own journal and dreams .......sitting beside her open window................